Secrets

Last week I released myself from something that has been holding me captive for such a long time. I shared against all odd a secret that has be wrestling with in my spirit for a very long time. For a long time I felt that I was hitting a glass ceiling and could not break through because I had to release it. I constant lie I told myself and most importantly my wife. I think the biggest lie I lived with was the fact that "it had nothing to do with her anyway," so why tell. It was before our relationship so why should it matter to her. The biggest lies that the devil had me believing and then my pride set in.

It now over and things have changed for us both relational and spiritually. I can love Leah now because my wife knows what I have been hiding and now I can feel again. The problem with secrets are that you can't be yourself or let your guard down because someone might find out.

God must have waited for this moment because what I had to share affects other relationships I have. It will also make me open for criticism for some and a testimony for others.. I guess we will see.

Either way, I feel like a new man and I can only hope Leah will forgive me for what I have done. I love ya babe.

TGBTG

Laying claim to the D

I miss my church family badly! I can't wait for my Charlotte to meet our brothers and sisters who are constantly praying for us. I miss Pastor Ben and Dr. C.. I miss worshiping in a crowd of thousand and the spirit moving. I still recall the time, I got to spend with Pastor Ben and I told him we would be back in Detroit. So tonight at 10:22pm, I have written down my request, claim, and prayer.

I claim right now:
We will be back in Metro Detroit (God timing)
We will both have great jobs in the fields we choose
Detroit will not fall.. it will turn around and if not, we will not participate in the recession anyway
Our house will be bigger and owned
Charlotte will have a new friend
We will be back in the greatest church on the planet

A bold request to some.. however I have seen the hand of God on his people. I will not place him in a box and I know that as long as we are his, we will not go back. To much seed in the ground.. standing on his word... "What he has done for one.. he has to do for another"

Currently song in my heart...

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing
For You
Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus
More and more

Come live in me
All my life
Take over
Come breathe in me
I will rise
On eagle’s wings.


TGBTG

Charlotte Ayleah

It has been a few weeks since I have had the time to write on this, heck the time to breathe. Since I am at Disney and the room is quite and I'm not sleep deprived, I thought I would pen or type my first message to my lil heart, that is Charlotte.

To my baby...

I have a new song that ring in my spirit and even bring me to my knees when I think about you baby. For 9 months, I talked to you, sang, yelled, and even poked you, because I so wanted to hold you. I am so externally grateful for you health, your smile, you cry, and the opportunity to hold you. I am so glad mommy is doing fine and that God allow her confession about you, to ring true. You were here early, safe, absolutely stunning, and by natural birth.

Now I am not a crying man or even very sensitive but the phase "babies change everything," has held true in our house. You have come in and mommy and daddy have had to work together, take the minutes we can together and make them special. Remember everything worth auguring about are really not important, and continue to ask God for wisdom.

The song that came to my spirit in the last few weeks leading up to you birth is by Tenth Avenue North and titled, By your side. It breaks down into so many different parts for my emotions for you, mommy, and God.


Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

These lyrics hit me hard because I feel like I know what I'm doing and I could not be more wrong during delivery. If not for me relaying on God, I would not have been able to coach/help mommy in her time, be calm enough to make a few correct decision about the process, and breathe, lol. But more than that, the last few weeks were hard because when you are blessed, you think to yourself... I got it all. Insurance is their for the baby, a nice house, time to take off work, and not have to worry about anything. You can't pay for grace... I came back to the fact that God is my source.


Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you
I'll never let you go

Charlotte, these word took the wind out me because, I was just singing them and wrong (might I add), throughtout your womb experience.. then one night I heard the correct words and... the breakdown! Baby C, I.. we will be here for you as best as we can. But even then, God is always there for you. Your not really ours to keep, but I hope we do enough to keep you safe, and in the right direction. I won't make the right calls every time, but I hope the good calls out weigh the bad ones. It is such a joy to see you when I get home, and to see the joy you put in mommy's heart, makes me so happy. I call you blessed, and will only speak good things into your life.

Wow, this post was really hard!! Anyway, I love to see the reasons for the lyrics of songs. Timing is everything in God!


By Your Side’ is just a call to anyone who’s struggling or fighting against God thinking they have to work to earn it. It’s calling them to stop looking for what you can do for God and fix your gaze upon what God has done for you. Let that motivate you. We love because He first loved us.” - Mike Donehey (Tenth Avenue North)

TGBTG

Adapting

You ever wonder what happens when you change and environment of an animal?? Most will die, while others will seem to change and adapt. Not really cool when the game changes when you not ready or prepared. Most of the time its a good things... for the changer, but very bad for the changed.

I think God shakes up our environment and its mostly about time you think things are great. According to biology we are suppose to adapt to changes but it seems to be hard because we just fight against them. Changes in our lives, jobs, personality, walk, etc.. can be devastating if you have walked a few miles in that direction already. The key thing is that, he has given us everything we need already for these changes. This sucks because that tells me that we are suppose to endure and adapt to the things we a facing and just trust.

My only problem is: WHY DID HE MAKES US THE WAY HE DID THEN! Why do men want so much to protect what is theirs, and give us such an ego (not a bad problem, guys.. really) that our judgment is clouded sometimes. Or when we are dis-respected, we just refuse to hear justification on any issue, until the factors we need are restored or God kicks us in the side of the head. There is something about vision their to???

Then he places us with woman (like its written), to live together.. Is that not a joke in itself! Who is just the opposite of what we men are. Provide, love, and partner mentality is great to combat the few things God placed in man. Check the next time things go down if you have either step out of line on one of the above things. Or just jump on the wrong side and throw the things out of whack... stand back and watch.

The world tells us the 3 factors of every marriage problems are sex, communication, and money. I think these are right on... but just on the surface. Take sex... men tend to want more, and when we are refused (in some cases.. other men maybe difference or just lying) we have a ego problem, like we are not needed, while the lady can love in different ways (not fair by the way). Communication... maybe your lady likes to talk about everything and you just want her to shut up, until she say something that you feel is disrespectful to you. Then square one again because, she want a partner mentality in the relationship. Someone who will be their for her and comfort her in her time... a lister. We feel disrespected and shut down, great right! Money.. can fall into a few things also like protection. If we can't provide and she doesn't feel protected.. funny how that works.

Not for anyone at all... just me jotting down something I have learned along the way from some great men and women in my life. Everything is supported by the scriptures and I have seen examples of great relationships. I guess I'm just blessed, but still fall into traps like everyone else.

TGBTG

The power of the tongue... confessions

It has been on my heart to write this down and truly explain how powerful this topic is to me. In a great way, it's part of the many testimonies of my life.

There are many things that I have confessed over, prayed over and believed in. Some of these things include: A godly man that I would marry some day (I did!), jobs, renewed relationships with family, choices regarding school, finances, uncommon pregnancy are just a few things that I (we) have confessed over.

One especially that is dear to my heart in the last few months is my uncommon pregnancy. When D and I started to think about this idea of a child in our future, I held on and was encouraged by my pastor's testimony. She confessed daily that her pregnancies would be healthy and free from the usual inconveniences. So, when I heard that, I began my own. Its amazing to look back in the last nine months and see what GOD has done with that confession. Not only are people amazed by the lack of sickness that I have experienced, but how 'smooth' everything has gone. Its awesome to say that we've been confessing and believing that this would happen throughout the whole pregnancy and it has. Another realm of the pregnancy that I have been confessing and believing for is that the baby would come early. Its amazing to see how many people from their own experiences choose to not be in faith with you or even not encouraging for what you are hoping for. They realize how supernatural the first 9.5 months of the pregnancy have been for us, and then they decide to state what happens in the 'world's bird's eye' of pregnancy life. At first it was really discouraging, but I really am still claiming and confessing that I do deliver early, but in GOD's time. To some degree, I don't think people understood/understand that I have held on to these confessions, and I have seen them come true in many areas of my life. But, it also makes me realize that when someone is believing for a husband, child, or a job, I really think about how I respond to them, because often its something that they may have been confessing/believing in for a long time.

One awesome testimony that I hold dear to my heart is when I was younger, I made a list of all the characteristics that I wanted in my husband. Some of them were superficial desires, like looks or that he enjoyed playing/watching sports, but then I had many others that included: had a good job, provided for his family, prayed with me and his family, had a personal relationship with GOD (just to name a few). I referred to that list often when I met new men/boys back in the day. I can honestly say that through tragedy/sadness, comes goodness and how awesome GOD truly is. I look at my marriage and the person that GOD put into my life, and see so many wonderful things. My husband is a great provider for my (our) family. I see his relationship with God manifesting to new levels for him and his family. He encourages me to strengthen my relationship through meditation and prayer. He has interpersonal relationship skills that covers over me where mine are lacking. So, I look back to the past in positive ways of reflection and see how GOD was only preparing and molding me to meet, be courted by, marry, and now have his children. But, I held true to the things that I believe GOD wanted me to have in my future husband. I sought GOD and believed that these characteristics were things that would be possessed in a future husband that GOD would have for me. We can truly be powerful if we set our eyes on things above and believe in the impossible for GOD to make them possible in HIS time.

LJ